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5 Perfectly Logical Reasons Why I Hate Glitter

2016-01-03 21.06.19


I have been pretty candid about my distaste for glitter.  Okay, maybe distaste is an understatement, but you get the point.  Some may say that my hate for glitter is illogical or over-the-top, but here are five of my top reasons why glitter and I are arch-enemies.


1. Glitter Gets Everywhere

I think this is one we can all agree on.  Glitter never stays where you want it to stay.  No matter how hard you try to contain it, there is always one or more specks of glitter that find their way outside of their intended realm.  There is also no such thing as “just enough glitter” – you will always dump out more than you would ever need.  That unused glitter then becomes the haunting of my dreams because it’s the stuff that usually somehow winds up on my hand.

2. Glitter Travels Too Easily

Going along with the first reason, this emphasizes my frustration with glitter’s mobility.  Glitter just travels way too easily.  I think whoever invented glitter was an evil genius who wanted something that could be deposited in one location and end up miles away within a few minutes.  Glitter can be on a decoration, then on someone’s hand, then on another person’s jacket, and finally on a different object before you reach the end of this sentence.

3. Glitter Never Disappears

As hard as you try, glitter will never go away.  Our government is concerned about microbeads in our water system.  I am more concerned with the glitter that is secretly infesting my apartment as I write this.  Last year, after the Christmas decorations were taken down in the Dining Hall of the Training College, I was sweeping up glitter from hanging snowflakes for nearly three months!  It never completely washes out, it’s never completely cleaned up, and it’s never completely destroyed.

4. Glitter Is Small

If I had a full-sized sheet of pre-cut glitter, I would be completely fine.  Essentially, it would be a sheet of foil (I assume).  The problem with glitter is its small size.  The size of glitter is the property which causes most of the rest of its problems.  Glitter’s small nature makes it mobile and difficult to rid.

5. Glitter Is Evident

Lastly, glitter is too evident for my taste.  Glitter catches the eye when you see a speck on someone’s hand or in their hair.  For those who are easily distracted, it can be quite bothersome.  Even more, glitter likes to play a game of hide and seek – you can only catch it in the right light.  This makes it extremely difficult to remove, especially when your jacket is completely covered in it from accidentally swinging a Christmas gift bag over your shoulder.


These are some of the reasons why I hate glitter.  What’s your opinion on glitter?  Leave a comment below!

 

 

About the author
Blake Fewell
Blake Fewell is a Salvation Army Lieutenant serving as the Corps Officer in Marion, IN. He grew up in Rockford, IL attending The Salvation Army all his life. Blake is passionate about Salvation Army theology and ministry. Other passions include running, brass band music, social media, reading, writing, and preaching. He holds a Bachelor's degree in systematic theology from the Moody Bible Institute in Chicago, IL and is working towards his Master's degree at Olivet Nazarene University in Bourbonnais, IL.